Lima Beans

I know the old addage: focus on the big stuff, don't sweat the little stuff.

But what if the little stuff must be addressed because, if not, it will become a much bigger problem in the future?  Then what do we do?  Here's what happened...

We have just a couple rules at home about food: (1) try everything at least once, only then can you make a judgment of whether you like or not and (2) eat the bulk of what is put on your plate or (a) you don't get dessert or (b) you don't get the night-time snack.  Usually, this is not a problem.  The boys like things that most other kids their age, sometimes even adults, won't touch; broccoli and green beans, for example.  

Tonight's dinner (hotdogs and mixed veggies) had an unforseen guest: the lima bean.  It was among the mixed veggies (along with peas, carrots, corn, and green beans).  Jacob saw it and immediately asked if he had to eat it.  I tried reasoning with him:  Have you tried it?  It's good!  You only have to eat one, if you don't like it, don't eat the rest (about 7 in the overall lump of veggies).  I thought I had it beat.  Logical, kind, and with an out if he didn't like it.  I even suggested he eat one along with some other veggies to mask the negative experience.    Then, he was reminded of the usual rule (which we remind them of on occasion, not just tonight).

This very simple event took us to Jake being concerned that if he didn't eat it, while ok in the eyes of the dinner gods, would not be ok with the dessert or snack gods.  As much we both tried to not dwell on the issue, Jake did so for what lasted nearly 30 minutes.  Torn between not wanting to try/eat the lima bean and wanting a dessert/snack later.  We tried to ignore, after we thought we had made things very clear and he obviously understood them, all the talking and whyning Jake was doing.  

Finally, even after everybody was well beyond done with their meal, Jake finally decided to take the bite.  He did so as I had suggested, eating it amidst the other veggies.  He said he didn't like it.  I just answered, with a "Ok.  At least now you know.  Was that as difficult as you thought it would be?"  He stared at me a little then shook his head.  "Do you want dessert now or snack later," I asked him as he put his plate on the kitchen counter.  "Snack later," he replied.

So, questions:

(1) Did we do this right?
(a) Was it ok to focus on the one bloody lima bean, or should we have let it go 

& just be happy he is already eating (& likes) so many veggies?

(b) If we were right to have him follow our basic rule of trying new things, did we do

the rest adequately?  How could we have done this better?

(2) Is it worth going through all of this for every new thing that he is adamant about trying?

(3) How can we make the experience of trying new things for Jake more pleasant, particularly in those times when he gets it in his head that there is something bad or wrong about what he is trying?

Medicine - 1

It's been a few days.  A few weeks ago we had put Jake on Adderall.  It had minimal, if any effect and, although our pediatrician told us this was not the case, it almost seemed to us as if he had gotten worse.  However, the dosage was at the minimum level, so we increased it to the next miligram dosage.  For the last couple days, from soon after he takes the medicine in the morning until about 8 in the evening, he is golden.  He still has a breakdown here or there, and there are still a number of behavioural issues we have to address and focus on.  However, because the hyperactivity and tunnel vision have been seriously diminished by the medicine, it is much easier to focus on these lingering issues.

For now, we are looking forward to our parents' meeting this coming Tuesday evening.  Much more to be said then, I am sure.  I've included, meanwhile, two links I have found related to this post.  One, from Yale Medical, is a little old (4 years), but pertinent to how ADHD and Autism may be medicated similarly; the other is on Adderall, the medicine Jake is on right now, from WebMD.  My wife and I want to use the medicine as sparingly as possible and focus on the behavioural.  The medicine, we think, should be just the first step, not the end result.  This is why we are going to the meeting this coming Tuesday.

In the beginning...

We have known Jake had autistic tendencies since he was about 3, when he was first tested.  Before then, we knew something was up when he didn't utter his first word until he was almost 3.  He is now a week past his sixth birthday.  Last year we took him to many different specialists: nutritionists, psychologists, therapists, homeopathic doctors, etc.  It wasn't until we took him to the Children's Hospital (part of the Pittsburg University Hospital) that we got our first real answer.  It was then confirmed by a similar entity at Syracuse University.

Now, the difficult part begins.  What do we do?  Jake is a "high functioning autistic" child with ADHD and PDD.  Jake has been getting physical and occupational therapy for about 1/2 a year now, and we've got his next appointment this week to plan future intervention through the district.  Anne and I are heading to a group that meets once every other week in the evening to share ideas and frustrations with other parents of kids with autism.  We research, we read.  We look things up on the net, we buy books.  I deal best through writing out my thoughts - so I created this blog, to keep me sane.  Today was a pretty good day and I still didn't know whether to scream or cry from frustration several times throughout the day.  I hope that through this blog, your input and help, and the therapiutic power of writing in community, I will release my frustration and be able to be a better father to Jake.

Jake is an incredibly smart child.  He reads very well, retains information after hearing it only once, and seeks new knowledge constantly.  We endearingly call him our "little rain man".  Physically and emotionally, he is not there.  He is physically awkward, leaning far forward when he runs, for example.  He drools, he jumps excitedly, and can never sit still.  Every limit placed in front of him, whether a warning, a punishment, or even just parameters for play are often taken by him as an unfair limit to his desires.  Not because he is selfish, but because he feels that he is then trapped somehow.  There is much more to my beloved son, of course.  He gives of himself and shares everything.  He plays with our daughter, genuinely, constantly.  He loves hugs, kisses, and cuddling.  He makes our daughter laugh like no other of us can.  Jake is a true joy.  I pray I never forget that amidst the often frustrating times we also experience throughout the day.

I hope you will feel free to make suggestions.  I am new to the blogging world so I will create permissions if you wish to post something other than responses to what I ramble through here.  If you think this blog can help others or if you think we can be aided by others or other links, books, materials, etc., please let us know.

Thanks.  In solidarity,

Gonzalo